This Baseball Season, Chant “Stop the Count!” When Your Team is Clinging to a Lead

It won’t be divisive because Republicans are already boycotting America’s pastime

Former site of the 2021 All-Star Game | Photo by Joshua Peacock on Unsplash

You may have heard: Hordes of Republican voters — two out of every three — still actually believe that Donald Trump was robbed of the election because of voter fraud. They still actually think that voting machines made by Dominion somehow flipped votes from Trump to Biden or just didn’t count votes for Donald Trump.

These people are still actually convinced that Democrats rigged the election, only to lose 13 seats in the House of Representatives, fail to gain a majority in the U.S. Senate, and failed to win a new majority in any state legislative election.

These beliefs are so incoherent that it led to prominent Republican politicians demanding that election results be overturned, while also insisting that they should be allowed to stay in Congress because their election, held on the same ballot, was legitimate. It also led to Republican voters in Arizona chanting “count the votes” at the exact same time as Republican voters in Michigan chanted “stop the count.”

Let’s Apply That Logic to Baseball

The goal behind these absurdities is simple: Republicans are entitled to victory.

The logic behind it is political hackery at its best: If Republicans are leading, then the game is over. If they are not leading, then the game is not over.

Now that covid restrictions are being lifted, for better or worse, we are being presented with a wonderful opportunity to put that brand of pseudo-logic to the test in another uniquely American game: Baseball.

The rules of the game are simple: Your favorite team is entitled to victory, so if you’re in the lead, the umpires should wave their hands and end the game. If your team is behind, the players should be forced to play on.

As a fan in the stands, behave appropriately.

If the bottom of the 9th inning passes by and your team has fewer runs than the opposition, settle in. The game hasn’t ended, yet. It can’t have ended. Your team was still losing. Any changes in the league standings are “FAKE NEWS.” The other team committed flagrant run fraud.

Also, they were all pedophiles.

If your team is leading and the game is in the 8th or 9th inning, everything is fine… Until the opposing team starts to threaten the lead. As soon as the go-ahead run is at the plate, start chanting:

Stop. The. Count. Stop. The. Count. Stop. The. Count.

Mets fans will have plenty of opportunities to make this happen.

If your team loses, sue the league. Challenge every run scored, but only if it counted for the other team. Shout that the run only counts if the player touches home plate, but this particular home plate was put there by the other team, so it doesn’t count (except for all the times your team touched it. Those count). Scream that the umpire was paid by George Soros.

Insist that you have overwhelming evidence of all of these things. Tell everyone that you will reveal it all, in two weeks.

Don’t worry about Republicans getting angry at you. They won’t be at the stadium. They’re too busy cancelling baseball for moving the All-Star Game out of Georgia.

Instead, enjoy what it feels like to not have Republicans around. Mock stupidity. Surround yourself with sanity. Enjoy a ballgame at the park because now, you can.

Professional legal blogger: 2,600,000+ words. Law degree: Human rights law. Writes about: Politics, humor, baseball, writing, and the law.

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